natashakendall

It was never you, it was not me - it was all the people in between.

The root of the problem.

I'm so tired of the way I am. I'm tired of my skin - I see it everyday, and everyday, I loathe being in it. I annoy people. I drive them away. I make them mad. I complicate things for them. If the way I am annoys him, then I don't want to be me. I want to be out of me, around me, something other than awful, annoying me.

And I spend most of my time starting my sentences with ‘and’, and ending them with a profound sort of punch-line type of thing, and hope that what I’m saying is something someone in my small audience can relate to. So I spend my time thinking of material, trying to describe him and my situation as best as I can without being direct but being as poetic as possible, and I make it sound so pretty when really it’s just the ugliest thing ever.

You'll Leave Someone Because - You Love Them? What?

“You know that I love you so - I love you enough to let you go.” Kelly Clarkson, “Already Gone”.

I seriously disagree with this logic.

I honestly don’t think it makes sense to let someone go purely because you love them - that’s no excuse. The problem obviously lies elsewhere.

Boy, I could sit here knee-deep in your dead love all day. I could prop my camera on my windowsill and take picture after picture before I realize none of them will ever lead you to believe that I am anywhere near attractive. I could be burning up and popping antibiotics and you'd still be the one addiction. I cannot stop. I know I can live without you, so just go knowing that I would never want to.

I want to make him a sandwich to convey my irrevocable love. Look at me, all romantic - Edward Cullen and his inoperative heart got nothin' on me.

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The Little Things

I know you don’t think I’m much of an instigator, but I try, I really do - it’s just you don’t see it. The way I wait up for you to come online knowing that the chances of that happening on the weekend are slim, how I’m always trying to be in the same place as you are, how I try to catch your eye from across the room and when I do everything else is a blur, the way I make everything on my Facebook profile about you and not me - it’s the little things, you see.

I Think I've Come To A Dead End.

Nothing is going to happen between us, because I’m not sure what to do and neither is he.